Well meaning family and friends may not realize how important our animal companions are to many pet owners or recognize the intensity of grief over the death of a pet. Comments they make may seem cruel and uncaring. Families and friends are an essential part of the bereavement process when someone they care about loses a much-loved companion animal. Whether or not they share the same feelings as the person whose pet has died, their comfort and understanding can help the grieving pet owner cope with their grief.

Sometimes the significance of the pet and the importance of the family’s support during the grieving period can be better discussed by someone other than the bereaved pet owner. Often, once a family is aware of how important their support they will make additional effort to show the grieving pet owner how much they do care. They can demonstrate their concern by encouraging memories of the special pet, by being available to listen to the pet owner’s feelings, stories and concerns and by helping the grieving pet owner look after their own physical health and mental well-being. If they wish, they can ask for help from mental health and/or medical professionals.

The presence of the pet’s master can be very comforting to the pet. Also, seeing the dead body may provide the pet owner with a sense of finality or closure – most helpful in grief recovery. Whether children should be present or not depends on their age, emotional state and sense of understanding. Perhaps viewing the pet after death, or merely being told the pet is dead, will provide the closure they need too.

The death of a pet is a traumatic event. Other feeling can make the grief more complex if the animal died suddenly or by euthanasia. Some people may feel they would never want another animal in their lives; they would never want to experience again the hurt and pain that comes when that animal dies. Or they may feel they are betraying the memory of and the love for the deceased pet. For others, a new animal may help them get over the loss more quickly. Just as grief is a personal experience, the decision of when, if ever, to bring anew animal into a home is also a personal one. If a family member is having difficulty accepting a pet’s death, bringing a new animal into the home before that person has resolved his or her grief may imply that others feel the life of the deceased pet was unworthy of the grief that is still being felt. Family members should come to an agreement on the appropriate time to acquire a new animal.

The decision to euthanize a pet is the most difficult decision any pet owner may have to face. Unless disease or accident claim a companion animal’s life suddenly or unexpectedly, we usually must take responsibility for this final act of caring; that is, helping our pet to leave this world peacefully, painlessly and with dignity. Sometimes a pet is in pain or distress and there is no hope that it can recover and lead a happy, pain-free life again. Then it is an act of kindness to end the life of the animal. Still, it is not an easy choice to make. The veterinarian the pet’s family, including children if appropriate, should understand and decide together what is the most merciful for the pet and the family and when the euthanasia should be performed.

Guilt is a feeling of responsibility for some real or imagined act. If a pet owner feels he or she made a mistake with their pet, they need to be told to be fair with themselves. They need to hear that they were taking care of their pet as best they knew how. The unfortunate outcome probably wasn’t intended and perhaps, couldn’t have been prevented. We all are human – we all make mistakes but we learn from them.

Often people express guilt for thing they have done or not done that they wish they could do over again. Sometimes these things are better called “regrets” – things that people have done or left undone that probably did not contribute to the pet’s death but are causing the pet owner great discomfort.

Most people will say “yes.” The loss of a companion animal is a traumatic event for you and your other dogs and cats. Dogs and cats grieve in a number of different ways. They may play less and mope around the house, lay in a favourite bed or resting place of the deceased pet, wander around the house looking for the deceased pet, become more dependent on you and show more affection towards you or even become depressed and refuse to eat or drink. Your grieving pets require more security during this period. They need to know you are not leaving them too. Some cats and dogs do not recover quickly. If your pet shows signs of depression, stops eating or drinking, a veterinarian should be contacted immediately.

Allowing and encouraging your family to have a funeral for the pet that has died can be helpful. It provides a time to acknowledge the loss, share memories of the pet and create a focus for the family to openly express emotions. While some friends or even family may think having a funeral for a pet is foolish, don’t let them take this special time away. Design a ritual that best meets your needs as you gather to pay tribute to a pet who was and always will be loved.

In two words, honestly and openly. The death of a pet is often the first opportunity parents have to help children during times of grief. Unfortunately, parents often don’t want to talk about the death assuming that by doing so the children will be spared some of the pain and sadness.

Children, however, are entitled to grieve for their pets. Any child old enough to love is old enough to grieve. Many children love their pets with all their hearts. As an adult, if you are open, honest and loving, experiencing the death of a pet can be a chance for children to learn about the joy – and the pain – that comes from caring deeply for pets or for people.